Church. HURT.
Hurt is a small word that has a big impact and implication depending on the type. When you add the word Church to it then it becomes way more complex.
Church hurt occurs when individuals experience emotional, spiritual, or psychological pain due to their interactions within a church community. This can manifest in various forms, often rooted in the actions or beliefs of leaders or members within the church.
A very popular way church hurt happens is through abuse of power. Especially within churches where the lead pastors also make most if not all of the decisions. Often times this gets misunderstood because non profits are required to have a board and most churches have more than one pastor. However, in many cases these safety measures are easily trumped when the board consists of members that are a type of homogeneous group resembling the lead pastor, friends of the pastor or exhibit bias qualities that often result in harm to the more marginalized members.
When church leaders misuse their authority, whether through authoritarian leadership styles, manipulation, or neglect, it can create an environment where members feel trapped and devalued. This can lead to feelings of betrayal and loss of trust, particularly if the leaders fail to uphold the values they preach.
Another overlooked aspect is the lack of support during vulnerable times. Most people that are deemed “family” by their church “family” often desire solace and guidance in their faith communities during crises. However, if they encounter isolation, “cold shoulders”, judgment, insensitivity, or even a lack of understanding from said church family, it can exacerbate feelings of isolation, shame and ultimately hurt. This can be particularly damaging for those already struggling with personal issues, such as mental health challenges or family crises.
Additionally, theological teachings whether sound or not if not taught properly, i.e., with integrity and accuracy, may lead to misinformed individuals and feelings of inadequacy or guilt for those who do not conform perfectly to those beliefs. This can result in internal conflicts for individuals trying to reconcile their personal experiences and struggles with the expectations placed upon them by the church.
Also, discrimination and exclusion contribute to church hurt. Experiences of racism, sexism, favoritism, or other forms of bias within a church community can leave individuals feeling marginalized and unwelcome. Often times these types of hurts further contribute to what individuals may also experience in the secular worlds from which they came from and live in Monday through Saturday. Sometimes they are used as forms of currency to motivate and incentivize individuals that are deemed or want to be deemed as valuable to the furthering of the “vision” and growth of the “body” or church. These ‘ism’s often create or deepen pain and disillusionment with the faith of individuals.
Finally, unresolved conflicts within the church, such as divisions over doctrine or interpersonal disputes and more, can create a toxic atmosphere. When these conflicts go unaddressed, they can lead to hurt feelings, resentment, and a fragmented community that fails to support its members’ well-being.
Ultimately, church hurt can lead to an enormous disconnection from one's faith and spiritual identity, making it imperative for individuals to seek counsel and support as they navigate their next steps. Counselors experienced in handling religious trauma can provide the necessary guidance to help those affected find their path to recovery and renewal.