Fair Fighting…
It can be difficult knowing how to have confrontations or conflicts without the fear of ruining or damaging a relationship. However, it is possible to have a confrontation and have it be an effective and healthy interaction. Some tips to help you during this conflict are as follows:
Ask yourself why you are upset (ex: Why do I care that he left the towel on the countertop?)
Discuss 1 top at a time
Avoid degrading language (Don’t attack the person. speak on the behavior or event)
Express your feelings with words (I feel _____ when _____). Use feeling words such as happy, sad, scared, annoyed.
Take turns speaking and listening
No stonewalling (Don’t respond by retreating to a shell and refusing to speak. If you need a short time out then ask for one and agree to return to the conversation in 15 mins).
No yelling
Take a time out if things get too heated (Come up with a safe word and agree to return to the conversation in a certain amount of time.)
Attempt to come to a compromise/understanding (At the end of the day we all want to be heard and understood. Even if we can’t agree, we can respect one another and try to understand the other person’s perspective.)